I’m taking a bit of a different approach here. We always see those blogs about letting toxic people out of your life and how to deal with them, but what if we are the toxic people? It takes a lot of courage and strength to admit and it feels like total crap, but sometimes making our lives better takes a hard look in the mirror to see what we hoped we’d never see: we are the biggest problem in our own lives. We are the poison to our friendships and relationships.
I used to be a really shitty person. I was depressed and anxious and I took it out on the people in my life and others because they didn’t have the deep depression I had and it wasn’t fair. They weren’t in a dark place so I brought negative energy into their lives out of bitterness. I resented others because they were so damn happy and I just couldn’t find happiness.
And I used to be really ashamed of that and embarrassed of who I was when I was in a dark place.
But I’m no longer ashamed to admit who I was because that isn’t who I am anymore and I think it makes me strong and it is admirable that I can self reflect and identify my mistakes without letting them continue to rule my life and make me feel any regret. I am not proud of who I was but I’m proud of who I have become. I’m proud of the journey I’ve gone on to truly find a place where I can accept who I am. I’m proud of my continued passion for growth and my genuineness when it comes to wanting to change and be a better person. So how have I found this place? How have I found acceptance for myself? And how can you find that same inner peace that leaves you feeling whole again?
- Take time each day to reflect. How do I feel? How have I affected others? How can I be better tomorrow?
- Never dwell on mistakes, on bridges you’ve burned (intentionally or unintentionally) or of letting yourself be taken advantage of.
- Before others can forgive you, you must see your own actions through clear eyes, see how wrong you were, apologize, then genuinely forgive yourself.
- Actively compliment those around you and identify what they’re doing right. Don’t use this as a mechanism of comparison, but use this as inspiration in your own life. Let them know how amazing they are and encourage them because we all can use a lil bit of encouragement.
- Surround yourself with a supportive network who understand you and know your true intentions. These people have to be strong so they are not taken advantage of by your bad days. They should support you but also see your friendship as a positive light in your life.
I don’t claim to have it all figured out. It’s a battle I fight still to this day and some days, I’m just a negative Nancy to myself and those around me. I’m far from perfect but I’m ever changing and ever growing.
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