My Walk

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

– Footprints in the Sand, Mary Stevenson

This poem, one of my all time favorites, has always spoken to my heart.  I’ve struggled my fair share with anxiety and depression and seeing God’s plan has been and still is at times a challenge to me.  I am one of those people who always has a plan.  I am a planner straight down to my core.  Trusting in God’s plan therefore is a challenge.  Sometimes, I truly wish he could just fill me in on the plan so I could be on the same page but then life would be waay too easy, right?  I do, however, have faith.  Faith that in my darkest moments, God hasn’t left me, but he’s challenging me and strengthening me.  Tough love, if you will.  So where does my faith come from?

Growing up, I was raised in a primarily Christian home.  While faith was never the highest priority and we didn’t pray every day sitting down for a meal, we went to church most Sundays while I was little.  As I got older, we went less and less as I began travel softball and my schedule conflicted with going to church until it kind of just stopped all together.  I still went from time to time, but only on rare occasions.  After this past year or so, having my mental health be truly challenged leaving me feeling lost and hopeless, I chose to turn back to God and “give my trust in God another go” (as bad as that sounds).  I finally felt myself pick up a bit.  I came across Soul Scripts by Jordan Lee, an online community for women around college age to connect and build fellowship with, and my faith grew stronger.

As of late, I’ve felt myself becoming more distant from my faith so I decided to expand my blog into a place where I could reflect on scripture to not only hold me accountable, but to add more active reading into my worship and to reach out to others who may be able to benefit from the Bible as I do.  I’ll be trying to post monthly on a reading with interpretation and a bit of my own personal reflection – hope you enjoy!  Can’t wait to embark on this part of my walk with you all!

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